I Am a Social Dictator

posted by Jeffrey on Friday, June 23, 2006 at 1:03 PM


*I've moved, and my posts have come with me! Check out my new blog at www.jeffrey-davis.net/blog/*

As a go about my daily life I find in myself that I am some sort of fascist when it comes to relationships. I seem to have a scale that tells me which relationships I value most, and then force all friendships to that end. What I value most are real, honest, deep, and intimate relationships. You know what I mean, those people who wrestle with me over difficult issues, with whom I speak freely regarding what I'm thinking or feeling (even if its about them), etc. The people who's spirits bear witness and seem to connect with mine in a way that is not of this world.

I find that I am wrongfully unsatisfied with the relationships I have that are not of such closeness. Despite knowing that it would be unhealthy, and quite impossible, to maintain such a large number of such relationships, I seem to constantly attempt to do so. My ulterior motive seems to be, secretly,  to move all more "surfacey" relationships to deeper levels. It is a strange and difficult process learning to value all of my friendships, regardless of how deep they may run.

I am a social dictator.

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