Collision of Worlds

posted by Jeffrey on Sunday, October 08, 2006 at 3:16 PM

*I've moved, and my posts have come with me! Check out my new blog at*

For those of you who aren't familiar with my & Shaunna's way of life, let me give you a brief glimpse. We have a fairly strict way of eating in that we eat five to seven smaller meals per day with breakfast, lunch, and dinner being controlled and balanced portions. For example, we wouldn't have two carbs and no starch, i.e. we'd never have rice and potatoes with our grilled tilapia. Instead, it would be something like rice, salad (or vegetables), and grilled tilapia.

Anyway, we eat this way every day with the exception of Saturday, which as many of you know, is the much anticipated "free day" of every week. On Saturdays we eat whatever and whenever we want as to not allow our cravings for sweets and junk food to overwhelm us and lead to a two month binge, which therein would lead to about forty pounds each. It was for this reason that I found myself in the realm from where all evil spawns (also known as Wal-Mart) last night at about 11:15 to fetch an ice-cream cookie sandwich thingy, Kit-Kats, and a Twix.

Two people ahead of me in line (that was forever long, even at 11:15) I recognized a fellow I have not seen in several years. We made brief eye contact and then, as I have done so many times before, I pretended that I did not recognize him and proceeded to scrutinize with great detail all of the candy bars and other impulse purchase items that lined the aisle we were in. I noticed as the less than speedy cashier continued to ring up this old acquaintance's items that this fellow obviously recognized who I was as he continued to attempt to catch my eye. I, however, continued to avoid the afore mentioned connection.

Why do I continually do this with people I knew years ago (mostly referring to high school years)? Because I am ashamed and embarrassed of my actions towards them in those days. Back then, I believed that a true "Christian" was a holy person who should not associate with the "sinners" lest they be either a) thought to be one themselves or b) have their kind actions be falsely perceived as validation of this lifestyle of sin (bust mostly for the first reason). Oh I wouldn't have told you this is what I believed back then, but I did. This of course led to my becoming a pious, Bible-thumping, jack ass, silently allocating judgment and condemnation to those who didn't live a "Christian life". This version of myself those years ago is one that I hate, and it is the one that this fellow in line remembers and most likely assumes I am still.

So instead of taking an opportunity to apologize to and love on this guy that I hurt, I pretended I did not know him. This, I'm sure, affirmed to him that I am still the same old jack ass. This is about the third time in a row I have done this. I'm resolving now to not let it happen again.

*An aside: there, in fact, is a much deeper reason that I believed, and hence, acted the way I did those years ago, but that's a LONG story for another day.*


Blogger iveyfamily said...

i do the SAME thing b/c I'm embarrased as to how I acted in high school as well. I was a believer who lived two secret lives ... one as a chrisitian and one as someone who did whatever she wanted. I am SO ashamed of those attitudes I had then and how many people I led away from Jesus.

October 09, 2006 8:36 PM


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